i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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