I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
