Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize