I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
