Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
