After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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