my mouth tastes like poor choices
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
