I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
