I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
