i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
