i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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