Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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