Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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