Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
