Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
