singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
