and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
