Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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