thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
