He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
