i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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