Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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