Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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