Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
