Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
