we made out on top of his cat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
