thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
