Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize