Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
