can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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