woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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