you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
