Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
