my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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