The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
