Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
