I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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