If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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