it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
