Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
