dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
