Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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