Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
