You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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