I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
