You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
