help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
