Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
