So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
