I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
