$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
