It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
