i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
