i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize