Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
