i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
