Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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