his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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