So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
do nipples grow back?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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