Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
