last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize