We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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