come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
