she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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