Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
