Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
