apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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