he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
