Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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