Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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