You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
