I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
