Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
