You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
