How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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