yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
