the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
