my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
