thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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