Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize