Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
