The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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