I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
