i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
