I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm always down for nudity.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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